Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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