We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
