did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize