i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
