if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
