Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Every concussion has its silver lining
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize