Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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