I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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