Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
