I haven't been this sober since birth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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