soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
