shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
