This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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