If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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