I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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