No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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