No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
