he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
