Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
