you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize