"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
