Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
