NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
