At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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