last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
