so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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