It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
