can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
