I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
