so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
