i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
This is my gift to your gina
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
