If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I have fence marks all over my body
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
