My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
