even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
