the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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