I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
