There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
