i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
