How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
