Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
