I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
