I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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