It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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