He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
