Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
