I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
