I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
