Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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