shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
