You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
