just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just want to make out with him forever
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
