it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
