She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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