I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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