Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
