oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
