Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
