Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
