At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
