So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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