wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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