Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
