I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
