So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
