Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
