also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
