I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
