Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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