I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
