There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
