what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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