went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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