Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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