The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
