What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
